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home | 01: went to the zoo after 13 years | 02: not great, abyss incoming

2026年02月15日: not great, abyss incoming


feeling: fatigued

listening to: xrory in early 20s - no sense

weather: normal

i've been feeling sick lately. stomachaches, headaches and my mood has been going up and down left and right. i like everyone but then i felt this detachment and apathy because i feel as if im not present? eeeh i don't like being like this but it seems i self-sabotage myself!!!!!

anyway. been thinking of writing more honest thoughts to vent, but i'm incapable of opening myself when the internet now feels as if the whole world will judge you and put your personal thoughts on blast, when back then, blogs felt much more personal and not as if hundred of eyes tracked everything you did.

this thought has affected my writing areas, such as the review page... i don't like it at all, because i want to feel free to review anything i want however i want to. in any case, any form of honesty to speak my troubles will not help me at all if i write them here; i've been planning to do small, crappy essays that, maybe, can help those thoughts stay more coherent? think about it like "yeah that's my misery illustrated but it has meaning" lol

i was going to write about some changes in the site on here but i've been planning to update my... updates... page, so i'll shut up.

anyway thinking that this site is completely backed up in the wayback machine me da menos años de vida jajaja....

want to make a lot of pages about things i like and i consume but my mind is not cooperating to fill the holes :( maybe for the media log page i should do a mini review page¿¿¿¿ i want to make pages of everything actually lol

2026年02月01日: went to the zoo after 13 years


feeling: tired. feet hurt

listening to: youtbe video

weather: it was cold but then turned it hot

i got a 'surprise' reunion for my bday lol! (although i thougth we had celebrated my bday already on the 28th and that was it!) a friend of mine invited me to the zoo but i already assumed everyone was going, so i didn't think much of it. also because we already wanted to see the capibaras since our city somehow had them transfered to the zoo(?) and thus i didnt really imagine it was going to be something else.

when i arrived, my friend took me some place near the river and i noticed my other friends there, and when i approached i also noticed birthday decorations LOL! they got me a small cake with a xing xing picture on it, the bday decorations were of cats, it was very cute! and i felt really nice.
we walked plenty and my feet hurt in the end, but this is one of those times where you can remember fondly. i appreciate the thought, and i felt very loved...

it's hard accepting the feeling of being loved! i want to but my gorgeous avoidant attachment loves to shine through. it's difficult to commit but hey, i've been trying!! :P