2026年05月27日: perhaps i was too hopeful
listening to: honey stretton - vamoose
feeling: bad very bad i want to eat a cake and turn into dust after
weather: strangely, cool
I don’t know what to write about. I don’t have much to share because my days haven’t been good at all, and it has been stressful and hard :D But I wanted to write something, so this entry will not be interesting.
art
been, slowly, trying to get back to doing art. i for sure don’t have the same passion i had for it from when i was 19-20, since i drew every day lol. i don’t know how i did it, but it’s funny to notice how i suck so much when coloring. or draw more than a face :B but anyway! this is a sketch trying to do a humancat(?) of neocities’ mascot.
pretty cute actually :L i always like ‘spikey’? hairstyles so i liked the first cathead the most tbh. doing this just for funzies and maybe i’ll do 88x31 buttons and ads with the design.
did this one:
she’s a protagonist of a story i want to make. i don’t know about the format yet: maybe a visual novel or a rpg maker game (both formats that make me pull my hair LOL). in the past, i had three ideas for three games, but i didn’t go as far as doing the sprites and some maps with barely any scripts done. tyring to shape a cohesive narrative in that format is pretty confusing for me, but i would like to try to make a ‘test’ game to learn more about it.
the most i did was a yume nikki fangame. it’s my most developed project that never saw the light of day… you know, it’s veeery time-consuming, but it’s fun and rewarding in the end. i have to get the hang of scripting, though…
site
rather than have an updates page, it’s much better to mix it in my blogs actually. what’s new? not much lol. i forced myself to post the media log (for tv shows, movies, and docs). maybe the layout will change in the future but i’ve been forcing myself to just post them, since i have the mangalog, gamelog in my drafts too… help
and well, the journal page got a revamp yay. inspired by korean blogs. also i think i’ll change the entries’ style each time because my brain morphs every day. get me out of hereeeeeeeeeee
outside of that……… im doing homepages Q_Q i redo them and make new ones and then when i get at a certain end-point i don’t want them anymore lol.
been making progress with my shrines, tho!! specially the nicolas and caleb’s shrines. been writing some more too, and i’m going to make them both toggleable to choose between spanish or english to read them. yay
there’s nothing more, i think. just other plans for the future. also, i had the favorites of the month page but i never posted it since i never completed it… been too busy.
personal
i’ve been reading more!! look, not much, but 30 mins a day. i could finish a short book. i’ve been writing my ramblings about them in drafts, so that’s something. i just haven’t made public the booklog P: woops
uni is getting my ass. last semester, going to graduate in a few weeks. unfortunately, i feel like i wasted four years in a major where it’s difficult ot get a job, so i’ve been very disappointed in myself lol. but i think it’s a universal experience (not in majors like engineering tho ;_;) but it is a major where you actively need to search and promote your work. a free-lance-kind of work ;_; ugggghhh why did i do that… ANYWAY i have to be more positive and push myself harder. i guess what i feel more down about is that i’m going to work for jobs not related to my major, but it’s not something rare after graduating, i guess. i just… i feel disappointed in myself. maybe if i pushed myself harder and stepped away from my comfort zone, i would've chosen differently. but i do like my major overall, it's just... i guess the difficulty of landing a good job is harder than other majors and that's what makes me so stressed.
what else? been watching law & order svu LOL. as weird as it may sound, it’s my comfort show because of the characters ;_; love the main cast, specially huang!! thankfully it was a show made with many episodes and seasons in mind instead of the current situation with shows: 6 episodes with two years in between of production E_E ahem luckily i already made my rant about the boys so i should not vent here about it lol
ah!!! i found a diary i had since 2013. it seems 13 year old me just wrote a few pages but reading them just made me laugh because nothing from my life has changed since then! it's, unfortunately, sadly funny. anyway: the notebook is small and very cute. it's a hello kitty design and i can have it inside my bag with no problem. so the other day i decided to make it my "everything" journal and i have been consistently writing in it! i guess i missed writing by hand. if you're reading this and don't have an everything journal, you should!!! someone like me can recommend it :P
i also need to watch my diet because i've been eating junk a lot ;___; idk but it's like my body is screaming in agony LOL.
i have to go on and on and on. people seem to not think about it much, but having to get up everyday, have breakfast, not have breakfast, go to work, go to meet your friends, go to school, go outside, do whatever until the day ends and tomorrow meets you again... perhaps a beautiful, or miserable, or unfortunate loop. the world is designed to woke up and sleep and woke up again... time doesn't wait and you have to take advantage of it as much as you can... the yesterday you lived through may be satisfying or now that you reflected on it, it stopped to be. perhaps the tomorrow will be a difference, or, in the end, it will not be. i don't know if to call this misery or wonder, beaitufl: maybe it's just is. maybe there is a meaning, but not tangible: it is subjective, and it can be your truth or, in my ears, a lie. we live in a blissful ignorance or in a wonderful realization. life is very complex, and, if you think too much about it, it is meaningless or meaningful, maybe it depends on the day and on the songs you listen to.
i just wondered and nothing but bullshit spelled out lol. don't mind me, but it's interesting how life is very different depending on the person. someone who's having a shit day may be thinking about life in a good or bad way; someon who had a good day may be thinking about it in a pessimistic way or not... well, whatever :P we may be here or not by tomorrow, but at least our sites will be here. or, until neocities closes lol
es todo por mi parte joaquin :B